This song has been on my mind ever since Stacy and I were listening to it in the car on Friday, my 30th birthday. We listened to a cover and I said that I didn’t think I’ve ever heard anyone other than Kermit sing it. It was a lovely cover, but I like Kermit’s version that best.
The melody is beautiful, but the lyrics make my heart pound. Recently, I’ve taken on the process of rediscovering myself and also rediscovering what it means to love and be loved by others. For 12 years I’ve more or less suppressed these emotions. That is not to say that my relationship with Stacy has been fake. No, of course not. We are very, very real. And deeply in love. But 12 years ago I had my heart stolen and bruised rather profoundly. It was a wicked and awful experience to go through, particularly for a woman (girl) at the time who was so over the moon with the idea of loving another person. I was ready to give my heart to someone… but the person that was there to take it wasn’t very kind with it. He ended up damaging a large part of my soul and left me distrustful of love and relationships and the goodness of humanity. I eventually mended my heart, but that bright-eyed, ambitious, beautiful soul that others had seen had been forever darkened by the experience of lies, deceit, and neglect. I was a shadow of my former self.
But now I want her back. Maybe it’s turning 30 that has kicked this into the forefront of my thoughts. Maybe it’s new friendships I’ve made. Maybe it’s the constant and stable love and support of my husband and child. Maybe now I’m just finally reaching a point of closure on that chapter in my life. After all, I was just a kid.
Whatever the reason, I’ve taken on the task of rediscovering the “Amore Woman” that I was so affectionately nicknamed by my 8th grade math teacher. It’s a deeply profound process and I suspect it will take a while. But I’m looking forward to what I discover and I know that it will be beautiful. I’m grateful to have so many people in my life who love and care for me and that I know will support me in this process.
Why this song? Because it’s beautiful. Because it resonates in my heart. Because I’m looking for the rainbow connection again. I’m going to allow myself that much. I can’t continue life in this dispassionate manner. I want to once again be a lover and dreamer. That’s who I really am. This is what I’m talking about:
Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I’ve heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I’ve heard it too many times to ignore it.
It’s something that I’m supposed to be.
Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
Join me on my quest to find the rainbow connection. Let’s fall in love and discover all the ridiculous beauty in this world.