I’m kind of tired of writing long reflections on my adventures lately. But I’m appreciative that I have been having so many adventures. Keeping busy has really kept my mind off of certain things and certain people. (This is no way true at all, but I’ll go ahead and type it in the hopes that it’ll become true soon.) Almost every day this week I’ve been enjoying the company of friends or my daughter, or both. I got my first tattoo, and I’m hoping next week to make an appointment for my next one. (It’ll just be a small little thing, so hopefully it won’t cost too much.) I’ve had some really amazing talks with close friends that has left me validating my feelings and my decisions. These are what I call the Little Things (hashtag #littlethings) – the little moments of joy in our lives that remind us of all of the beauty life has to offer. Sometimes when things seem so desperate and hopeless, it’s tiny #littlethings that get you through. (I’m talking to you, Nicola. I love you.) A look. A touch. Tea and a chat with a friend on the front porch. A baseball game. A scooter ride. The crescent moon. Dancing with a stranger. Watching a child gaze up at his mother while she performs at a gig. Laughing over killer pepperoni. Writing with a friend at a local coffee shop. Having a friend recite you poetry from memory.
These are moments in time, snapshots, #littlethings that on their own may not seem like such monumental things. But they are reminders, at least for me, that everything is going to be ok.
I love you, keep going.
This too shall pass.
Keep on, keepin’ on.
My most recent of #littlethings happened last night. I took my bestie, Megg, for a ride on Vroomfondel. She has been wanting to go for a scooter ride with me for a couple of weeks now. I only had one helmet, so I let her wear it and we just cruised (carefully) up and down the streets of Bellefonte borough. It was a lot of fun. It’s the first time I have taken anyone for a ride on my scooter, and it was so perfect. Just two chicks on a scooter riding around town. I bet we looked hot. No, seriously. One of the best parts was that we were able to talk to each other while we were scooting around town. We both remarked on how much fun it was to be riding around together on a scooter. She said, “This is A LOT of fun.” And I said, “Yes. You can see why I love it so much. It’s addicting.” We talked about the things we normally would talk to each other about over coffee or wine at the kitchen table. We laughed, drove intentionally down certain streets, took wrong turns, snapped photos for Instagram and Facebook.
The joy I felt riding around with my best friend holding on to me was actually a bit overwhelming. At one point I felt myself tear up, which isn’t really good for riding. While we were riding and talking about this and that, I turned my head slightly and said, “This is when I really miss him. Because I would tell him about this and he would be genuinely happy that you and I had such a good time. That’s the hardest part — not sharing our joys.” And she just touched me affectionately and said, “I know.” It was all I needed. We quickly transitioned to something else — didn’t let the sadness linger. We rode for about 45 minutes before we headed back to the other side of Bellefonte. When we got home my friend Wayne had arrived and a fire had been made. Our kids were running around enjoying each other and we joined the adult conversation that was happening in front of the fire. The evening continued until almost midnight and ended with me and Wayne snuggled up on my big overstuffed chair reciting poetry and talking about relationships.
Life is definitely hard right now. I’m feeling a lot of emotional pain. And there’s a lot of uncertainty in my future. But right now, I have these #littlethings that just keep me going. Every day I get something that just makes me feel good and alive and tells me that I am ok and that I will be ok.
I love you. Keep going.