If I posted these kinds of memes to my blog, I’d have dozens of posts a day. But I saw this and it really spoke to me. Right now I’m trying to navigate my own self worth separate from the opinions and beliefs of others, especially dominating male figures in my life. It’s a struggle… I’ve always looked to others, friends or lovers, for my own self-worth and identity. The past year or so, I’ve was told by a very close friend how horrible I was, repeatedly. Even after I started to do good work on myself and move in the direction of becoming a healthy, whole person, this friend still brought me down whenever it suited his needs. I’m not perfect. He’s not perfect. We all are damaged goods trying to navigate this world in the most loving and healthy way possible. Slips and accidents happen. It was very demoralizing and heartbreaking for me. I constantly wanted his approval and love and admiration. I’d get it, until I “screwed up” again, and then it was back to the name-calling and the emotionally abusive behavior. I kept asking myself, “What the fuck am I doing wrong here?”
It took me over a year to realize want I really want is my own approval, love, and admiration. I want to love my self, to be confident in my capabilities and to believe in the goodness that I possess as a human being. I want to be secure in my identity, and to not depend on others to validate my own self-worth. It’s taken being betrayed by someone I loved so deeply and intensely to realize this. For me, I’m always willing to trust first and ask for equality in the relationship later. I want to put my heart out there, give it to people, and share it with the world. But I’ve learned that being that vulnerable can allow for someone who isn’t secure in their own identity to use that trust that I am giving them to hurt and manipulate me in order to make themselves feel better.
But now I know that I am a beautiful person.
I am a good friend.
I am good listener.
I care and love deeply for the people in my life.
I am human. I make mistakes.
I am not perfect, nor do I want to be.
I will continue to be vulnerable.
I will continue to trust unconditionally (but cautiously).
I want to love unconditionally and will continue to work on doing so.
I am sexy and attractive and desirable.
I am not defined by my past mistakes.
I am not defined by my body.
I am not defined by what other’s think I am.
I am a worthy human being.
I love you keep going.