[POEM] in the dream we stood together

in the dream we stood together

you were hostile at first
but we stood side-by-side
talked of perceptions and feelings
I tried to reassure you of things
you didn’t want to believe

but there were moments where you smiled
or shrugged with acceptance
I could see your eyes taking me in
considering my words

my heart raced when I told you
the intimidation I felt and
jealousy of the beauty and good fortune
you hold in your palm
over a glass (or two) of wine
I imagine laughter from jokes
and stories of long ago

I can’t compete with that kind of joy
but I try — not to compete
but to look at my own empire of love
albeit small, and sit still in the satisfaction
of simple, quiet love

when we parted ways, I felt your eyes smile
and a warmth around my skin
there were no words exchanged
but in that moment of parting
I knew you understood what I was trying to say

/ / /

Gina Thompson
28 June 2018
Bellefonte PA

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[POEM] going away

going away

maybe the biggest difference
(there are so many)
was that you never told me not to go
didn’t ask me to stay instead
because you knew l had to

you wanted me to have that joy
and a chance, even a fighting chance
to discover what may be lying dormant
underneath years of stagnation and comfort

you said goodbye with a heavy weight
of uncertainty, but without anger or guilt
resisting what is wanted vs what is best
maybe the biggest difference is you

/ / /

Gina Thompson

27 June 2018

Bellefonte PA

[POEM] in the quiet moments

for days the sky has been threatening rain
for days, clouds gather and darken, then disperse and the sun appears
for days, this anticipated storm refuses to appear

these days, emotions are heavy
like the humidity that hangs stubbornly
waiting to drop a relentless anger on the earth

in the quiet moments I cry
on the porch glider, watching birds flutter from feeder to telephone wire
in the parking lot before work, music from my commute still playing

I’ve felt a kinship with the clouds these past few days
both holding on to the heavy weight
waiting for the right moment to let go
uncertain when that moment be

/ / /

Gina Thompson
3 June 2018
State College, PA

[POEM] I don’t want to either

you sit in the quiet space of my heart
because letting go is not an option
and neither is holding on

/ / /

Gina Thompson
5 May 2018
Bellefonte PA

[POEM] This player folds

This player folds

If playing these emotional games is a prerequisite for friendship, I’m not in this time.

I’m tired of these cards, the ones you deal: a wide grin, eyes narrowed above hidden cards. I’m never sure what to bet, what I’m willing to gamble on his new hand.

Not that the previous games were much better, but at least I knew what to expect. Those cards you held were intended to secure the pot. I never had a chance. I risked what I could, knowing I’d lose it all.

There are other players, too. It’s not just you that tries to change my fate with their own lucky cards. I’m caught in a web of gambling my fortune on a risk so insecure. For once I’d like to deal, feel the control over others. Watch them squirm with emotional discomfort.

/ / /

Gina Thompson

1 May 2018

Shingletown Gap, PA

[PHOTOS] late season snow

School work and adulting has been pressing heavy on me lately. I haven’t been trail running as much as I’d like to be. I have a 25k race in three weeks that I’m not trained for. I don’t have time to plan and prep meals, and my eating habits have suffered. I’m so exhausted by the end of the day.

It’s springtime here in Central Pennsylvania, but you wouldn’t know it by the weather that’s been blowing through. Monday we had yet another late-season snowfall, and a fairly substantial one. Our school was already closed because of it being Easter weekend, but other schools and businesses had delays. We got between 4-6 inches depending on the location.

One of my favorite things to do is to go trail running in Rothrock in fresh snow. And I wanted that so badly. But, I just couldn’t swing it in my schedule. I had to take my kid to an early morning doctor appointment, then to her theatre class, and then I had lesson prep to do. Yes, when teachers aren’t working, they’re still working. Just in case you didn’t know.

But I was determined to at least get outside and submerge my body in this snow. So I went for a walk at a local nature center. A nice slow stroll where I took pictures, stopped to listen to the birds complain about the snow, and write a bit of poetry. The snow was melting faster than it came, and being envelopes by trees shedding their winter burden was such a delight. I got pelted several times by falling snowi. It was magical, even though it wasn’t the forest and it wasn’t for very long.

Always #optoutdoors. It’s the only thing that will save us from ourselves.

[POEM] haiku: still there

I discovered you
hanging there in the ether
now what to do

/ / /

Gina Thompson
27 March 2018
Bellefonte, PA

[poem] winter still

soon there will be spring
and a chorus of peepers
now, earth holds frozen

/ / /

Gina Marie Thompson
17 March 2018
State College, PA

[POEM] release is

release is

Mud on the floor of my car

A ponytail not quite neat

A drip of sweat in between my breasts

That text I had to send, knowing it was wrought with subtext

That other text I sent, because it was true

And that heavy will never completely fade

Eyes closed, letting this song’s bass wash
over me

Fantasizing about a haircut but not doing it

Walking across a field with the sun setting in front of me

A heart that never stops loving

And beats too fast too quickly

Exhales that are too heavy

Mud on my ankles

70 degrees in February

Saying what I feel when I feel it without apology (or maybe with)

Acknowledging my flaws

Embracing the scars I carry

Hearing the song birds return for the impending spring

My daughter waving at me from the window

Motioning for me to come inside

And leave this heartache for now

/ / /

Gina Thompson
20 February 2018
Bellefonte PA

[POEM] Otto’s Pub, at the bar

Otto’s Pub, at the bar

it’s hard to sit here without thinking
but I quiet the heart and watch
liquid from tap to glass to lips
listen to layers of conversation
echoing against tables and ceiling

I sit, hollowed out by quieted silence
smile at the drunken man beside me
the last time I was here, a man
moved to another seat
because my laugh was too loud

I’m always too loud
too abrasive
too intimidating
too open
too sexual
too alluring

I’m too much
but I also know
I’m never quite enough

/ / /

Gina Thompson
20 January 2018
State College, PA